Hurt, hurt,and hurt...

I had a chat with my friend today, and it came to touch an issue that came to my attention. She says "I don't wonder why things happen, I just ignore it and keep smiling. I don't hurt others for what I want. And I think feeling hurt for others is a waste of time and energy when the others don't care."

A sudden surge of emotion swept through me, one which I didn't recognize immediately. All these while I walk around the place, seeing banners in promotion of humanity for it is diminishing, reading news of wars taking place, picking snippets of murder cases and other heinous acts, watching people live with a proud unfounded ego. And I wonder about the causes of all this. Part of the answer is so near; there are so many people that cares solely for themselves. Surely as a human, we aren't born this way??? So what happened???

I do no know the answer, and that is not the main concern for this entry either.

THESE people, are the roots of the chaos spreading among humanity. When you don't wonder why things happen,you will not care to learn about the story. When you don't learn about the stories, you won't learn about the people whom you've hurt unknowingly. And since you don't know, you will keep on going hurting people around you.

Up to this point, I can already fathom what's needed to be.

"So I have to care or feel hurt for every single person that cares for me? how pathetic."
These are the last words from her tonight.

Now I recognize that feeling that pulsed through a moment back; it was sadness and pity.

Shoes

Embracing my feet, is a pair of shoes.

The solace of warmth that sheaths my feet as I tread the cold hard earth. Every step is an effort meant to hurt, yet safely tucked within these fabrics meant to deceive. Of the occasions in attempt of mischief, we bare our feet on the annoying sands, adhering bits of sore into the secluded comfort.

Why?

Because it means bittersweet memories now walks with us. From an experience we do not wish to forget, we taint the warmth of embrace upon our feet. The amelioration of this prickly ambient blessed on our feet, is not something matched by the mere strength of words. But the same could not be said for the more languid self.

Not for the mind, but for the heart.

If I could savor such warmth and comfort to my heart as to my feet. Will I renounce the tears I shed for endeavors not spoken? I do not know. If there is a pair of shoes for my heart, will I be brave enough to achieve what I set out to attain? My heart is walking the thorny path of dead roses. Bleeding still, the wounds grew deeper with every step I take. Numb, from the shivering frost of seclusion, unlike that of my feet.



I want a pair of shoes for my heart.
I would rather weep from the pains of mortal wounds, than sob from the barefooted heart.


*Inspired by Gerviene, entry on April 09 2010.

When you know its not infatuation...

Drifting down the morbid sequence of everyday life, we seek out thrills that comes so profoundly the moment we need it. We will pursuit the temporary, knowing it will die before us. Momentarily indulge in the illusive satisfaction, knowing that is not what we're truly looking for. Tainting the meaning of sadness, manipulating it as a cover up. Because at that moment, sanity sounds reproachful alongside reality. These short-lived deceits seem so welcoming, and somewhere inside us we hear a distant desire. They sound so familiar, but in truth a stranger. A stranger that promises harm especially when you let them into your heart. That stranger goes by the name "infatuation".

How do I tell this stranger apart?

You know it is not when your breathes are taken away from you.
You know it is not when you can conjure no malice.
You know it is not when all others dull in comparison.
You know it is not when you can't give it up without killing yourself.
You know it is not when the thought of losing it overcomes the fear of death.
You know it is not when time fails to provide erosion.
You know it is not when it only come once in a lifetime.
And that when you know it is too late...

I will never settle for infatuations, because I can never be...