Packing up...

Men had started recording time before they could even speak properly. From etchings on cave walls we had moved to Tag'heurs on our wrist. Progress. Development. Discovery. A dawn of new eras had took place over and over again. Here I am today, approximately less than 72 hours before the arrival of the first millennial decade, yet blank in the mind. Of sad cases, this is one of them.

As I did not escape the tendencies practiced by normal men, I inch towards the end of 2009 holding a handful of sweet and bitter reveries, sorting them out randomly. As I turn my back to the precipice of an annual turnover, I, too, is deeply impressed by the miracles time can bring upon a person. Honestly, this had been one congested year, figuratively and literally, mentally and physically. But its within my desires today NOT to revere bout my tragic nor epic, I'm much inclined to post a more constructive entry for the sake of future reference.

In an analogous sensation, I'm anticipating New Year just as much as I did for Christmas Eve. For me, New Year brings along with it the joy of celebrating my dad's birthday as well. And since a few years ago, I've been given the delight to cook up a storm on such an occasion, specially for my family. So here's a note for myself: no matter where I am, what I've become, what I did, I'll still have a very supportive and reliable dad to count on. Knowing he's there gives me strength and reason to live, and I will not make it here today without him. I will remember that I promised not to make him worry, and hopefully proud of me one day. I WILL bring this resolution to 2010. I swear.

Everyone's talking about new year resolutions. Personally, I believe it is over-rated. You people can check my priorities anytime at the side of my blog. Instead, I believe it to be much more important to check up on determinations regarding unfinished businesses. Throughout the year, on occasions where nothing is out of the ordinary, I've made resolutions on a whim. To me, its better to realize how much of it I've accomplished, not lengthening the list.

For a downtrodden, good for nothing spoiler like me, New Year is nothing but another check point in life. One step nearer to the end. It marks the line where I separate failure from success. Therefore, what I have in the respective boxes for 2009 is the most important things I need to bring over to 2010...

Preludes of another step taken...

Warmth and comfort drives the mind to work in mysterious ways. Lying flat on my back surrounded by the security a bed can offer to the heart, it plunges our thoughts deep within ourselves. Wounds will heal but scars does not fade, susceptible it is to bleed again as well. It did. Here I am tonight, a living prove of what choices made in the past had designed. It matters not if its done for me, by me, or along with me. What matters would be the crude facade many had prefered to elude; it has already been made. And that, my friends, is what we call "the past".

So what about the future? Ironic is what I call it, as we dedicate our present to prepare for a better future. Being nothing more than the conventional, I myself heaves through the same drill. But a sudden trigger drives me to think how much I am to myself this very instance, since pain is something you deal with "now". Stand amidst hundreds of people in the streets, close your eyes, and imagine what is your worth to others that just walk passed you. Here I am so obvious to the naked eye in broad daylight, yet few would bother to even throw a glance at you. Excuse me, would you care to take a look at me? I wish to know what difference it'll make in the future... *Blink. It is amazing to realize that as you stand in your own presence, no one else sees you.

Questions now filling the mind to the brim, I seek the shelter of silence and solace. Just exactly how far life can take a soul? And how much nearer we are as each day pass? I don't know. What difference each seconds offers to my life? Again, I don't know. Close your eyes as you stand at the topmost edge of the city's tower. The whole world is beneath your feet, the heavens and earth now embraced by your wide open arms, and last but not least, the most exciting feeling; your life is now entirely within your control. Pain is surfaced from a reverie filled with trepidation. Long had I thought I can live through it, long had I been wrong. How easily my resolve can be shattered, much easier for wounds to reopen and bleed again. Ahh....so much to ponder, so much more decisions to make, so much more of myself to bear... Someday in the future, again I will return to these thoughts, possibly with even greater entanglements. Perhaps its time to break the cycle?

Perhaps I should take one step towards the marvelous scene in front of me. It is painted by the heavens, given live by the very same people who ignored me moments ago, the very same people who made my life happy, the very same people who void me of a warm heart, the very same people who had seen how my life had come and will go, and the very same people like myself. This one step will divert me from sharing their existence, perhaps I will see what I need to see, and perhaps finally a choice I won't regret will dawn...

But the next thing I know....




I'm already falling...

*Will it be continued...?

A sudden chain of unrealistic thoughts...

Blinking in front of me is an assortment of colours, running across my skin is the feel of breezes. Cracking across the room is my typing on the keyboard, wafting in the air is the smell of rain, and last but not least, pulsating on my tongue is the taste of sweetness.

Blessed are we with five earthly senses. And as all humans do and think alike, we take a lot of things for granted (in which case you know what I'm talking about?). The world around us is created through the blessings of these senses, so is ourselves. But has anyone ever stop and think; what will happen if we can link these five senses together? Will we be able to understand this world better? Or better still, see who we really are?

If only we can "feel" sight, we will no longer be as blind as we are. We'll be able to "feel" the warmth of kindness, the pain of lies, the burn of hypocrisy, and the touch of sincerity. No longer will people walk the streets masked in lies that our society now demands so much, averting our sight from the truth only because it hurts us, willing others to suffer cause we dread it ourselves. Cause then even with our eyes closed, lying will pierce and burn our heart, kindness will be embraced by everyone without the taunt of foolishness, and sincerity will reach across without taints of doubt. Only then, can reality be truly faced.

If only we can "taste" smells, then perhaps the people will be more responsible. As the "taste" of cigarettes burn red hot, and smokes so bitter they render you dumb. Odours that numbs our palate so much, we'll taste in fear of losing it forever. Only then, will the people understand the meaning of "fear', "disgrace", "nauseous", or even "shame" as the fact that something so foul touches their most reserved sense.

If only we can "see" feelings, then we'll be able to be more emphatising. The "colour" of sadness, happiness, rejection, love, insecurity, or even loneliness. We'll be able to realise it whenever we hurted someone, forsaken someone, or even brought joy to someone. We'll be able to know that our presence means comfort to someone else, or vice versa. No longer will we have to doubt others around us; "Am I welcomed?", "Does she love me?", "Is he sad?", "Is my company being rejected?". If so is the case, people will be able to care more about people around them, nor can we tell naked lies to hide our feelings.

If only voices have "shapes", we'll be able to "pile" them in accordance. Sweet melodies shall be stacked neatly, warm comforts stored nicely, painful truths arranged in sequence, and blatant lies discarded indiscriminately. No longer shall the people be influenced by others indecisively, neither can liars talk freely, nor rumours run amok. When so is the case, people will be held responsible for each and every word they say, and perhaps, less pain will spread around?

Having all these said, I wonder (perhaps you should as well), "what" surrounds me?

Tinges of the season.

Dusk itself now embarking onto a relief,
the world settles to a cozy rest.
Comfort encloses the heart as light illuminate the streets,
so intoxicating occasionally it embraces the souls fervently.
Darkness is the quilt we'll lie under soon,
yes; night is here.

Wafting through the air,
the season smells so sweet and harmonious,
prompting a reverie of soothing Earl in Grey.
How misty nostalgia can be,
especially upon the persuasion of a perennial tire.
But no, it's not lost.
Analogous to the son et lumiere,
the melody sounds so mellifluous,
I'm at peace.

Gasp* The story has grown since,
endeavors written like a fairy tale.
So ensnaring it is to reminisce in a garden of bliss,
ironic to the blood and tears that were shed.
As colorful glitters girdle sadness pass,
a heartfelt smile shines across stained faces.
Life brimming their emptiness again,
salient is the virtue of treasuring present.
As for the future, it rests for now.

Oh how sinful of me to forget,
about how breathtaking the world will be,
through the enchantment of a mere simper.
Eyes on the stars,
feet on the ground.
Forever is the journey to claim,
never-ending is our efforts to pursuit.
Know us not now is the time?
To rest and appreciate,
upon a season showered by love?

The chilling solstice rings contradictorily,
to the warm spirits eagerly shrouding the snow.
All ye gentle-souls walking this earth,


A merry festive season to thee...