Sigh....What exactly am I doing here in the middle of the night? Yes, in roughly about 30 hours time I'll b sitting for my first paper of the finals - History of English Language (Cheers and Applause), therefore I should REALLY be studying rite NOW!!! Honestly I'm just taking a break from a 2-hour session of Brain-Abuse (I'll file a legal suit with the Brains Welfare Association) And what I really feel like doing right now is take a cool shower and head to bed. AH~~~~what blissful wishes~~~~well....they're not happening... T.T
As much chaotic as my mood had been throughout the week, I believe I really hid it well. I don't think anyone noticed that I'm ready to scream out in frustration and agony, AND I really feel like giving everything up and just let the world consume me then. But by some miracles, I manage to sober up a little, just a little, enough to allow me to continue living, I guess. What really happened, I couldn't exactly put it in words. Thoughts just consume one another inside the mind; Logic and Sentiments are waging a fierce war. Though, I'm glad its at least stopped for now, allowing me to do some decent reading and blogging.
Just why is it I'm letting my sentiments control me like that? I still remember days when I swore to myself that I, of all people, will not let this happen to me. Logic and Reasoning will always be my guide. Enlightenment perhaps? Not really sure...But i do notice that I've managed to emphatise more (perhaps, even easier/better, can't tell) with people posed with the same or similar issues. Come to think of it, I recall my friends telling me "its not easy for us to tell you why, you need to experience this to understand" and also "these must be felt, you cant justify it using logic reasons." Wow...Now I can see that its true. Perhaps for you guys reading this right now you can't really feel what I'm going through, possibly even just laughing your head off for multiple reasons I myself can sum up. But its really something incomprehensible; how feelings can rip you off sanity...
For the sake of those that actually read till this part of my blog, I'm sorry I have to say that I CAN'T tell you why I'm in such a chaotic mood. In respect to another individual involved (though you might be able to guess what's happening by now) I can't post too much here. But if you are still reading, please remember that I'm glad you are here. Blessed be all of you who stood by me^^ I am happy I found alot of friends that are true to me. Thanks. Now I should head back to the book^^
P.S. If there comes a day where I changed for selfish reasons that are inevitable, I will not bear a grudge if you all turn your backs on me, all of you had did enough for me, be it intentionally or not...
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