Preludes of another step taken...

Warmth and comfort drives the mind to work in mysterious ways. Lying flat on my back surrounded by the security a bed can offer to the heart, it plunges our thoughts deep within ourselves. Wounds will heal but scars does not fade, susceptible it is to bleed again as well. It did. Here I am tonight, a living prove of what choices made in the past had designed. It matters not if its done for me, by me, or along with me. What matters would be the crude facade many had prefered to elude; it has already been made. And that, my friends, is what we call "the past".

So what about the future? Ironic is what I call it, as we dedicate our present to prepare for a better future. Being nothing more than the conventional, I myself heaves through the same drill. But a sudden trigger drives me to think how much I am to myself this very instance, since pain is something you deal with "now". Stand amidst hundreds of people in the streets, close your eyes, and imagine what is your worth to others that just walk passed you. Here I am so obvious to the naked eye in broad daylight, yet few would bother to even throw a glance at you. Excuse me, would you care to take a look at me? I wish to know what difference it'll make in the future... *Blink. It is amazing to realize that as you stand in your own presence, no one else sees you.

Questions now filling the mind to the brim, I seek the shelter of silence and solace. Just exactly how far life can take a soul? And how much nearer we are as each day pass? I don't know. What difference each seconds offers to my life? Again, I don't know. Close your eyes as you stand at the topmost edge of the city's tower. The whole world is beneath your feet, the heavens and earth now embraced by your wide open arms, and last but not least, the most exciting feeling; your life is now entirely within your control. Pain is surfaced from a reverie filled with trepidation. Long had I thought I can live through it, long had I been wrong. How easily my resolve can be shattered, much easier for wounds to reopen and bleed again. Ahh....so much to ponder, so much more decisions to make, so much more of myself to bear... Someday in the future, again I will return to these thoughts, possibly with even greater entanglements. Perhaps its time to break the cycle?

Perhaps I should take one step towards the marvelous scene in front of me. It is painted by the heavens, given live by the very same people who ignored me moments ago, the very same people who made my life happy, the very same people who void me of a warm heart, the very same people who had seen how my life had come and will go, and the very same people like myself. This one step will divert me from sharing their existence, perhaps I will see what I need to see, and perhaps finally a choice I won't regret will dawn...

But the next thing I know....




I'm already falling...

*Will it be continued...?