A little bit of this and that of the past few days???

I suppose this entry will be expected, by quite a few, to elaborate bout my experience at the CF Camp. Well, having just finished a decent dinner with my family, I'm kinda in the mood for it. So why not?

In the first place, a camp is something that I really miss. A bunch of friends gathering together for a few days for the same purpose, going crazy, trying to shut off reality. Eyup, that is most welcomed once in a while. And this 4-day camp was exactly what I needed after pulling through a harsh period that put mental and physical endurance to the test. And it served its purpose, I'm definitely more lighthearted now compared to before.

Its so nostalgic (duh, how old am I???) , going to a camp. The last one I went was like 3 years ago. This CF Camp had been a great treat. I get to devote a few days specially to getting in touch with a higher power (though, not as much as the others had), spending more time with my friends, listen and talk bout certain interesting topics (hopefully I didn't offend anyone, if I did it wasn't intentional, sorry guys), and even get to chill my mind down a little. I can't remember the last time I go crazy without a care in the world. Though, somehow the camera always seems to catch me off-guard T.T (Shirley....) and by the last day, since its too late, I've decided to just let it flow (Shu, DON'T post those pics, you know which ones I mean...). I just can't seem to effectively portray the camp in words, its a mess in a good way. And, something tells me its best kept that way if I'm to keep it as a sweet memory. ^^

Now, for some confession. During the sessions, I wasn't paying exactly full attention ALL the time; my mind still drift off to thoughts that brought up heartaches that has something to do with losses (No, not material properties). Guess its not as easy for me to give up as others did. I can't fully forget about reality during those hours. Even before I sleep everynight, these thoughts still haunt me and worst off, occasionally in my dreams as well. Facts ain't something that is detached so easily, be it permanent or temporary. I tried looking for answers for the many questions regarding many different topics in my heart during the camp. Unfortunately, only a few were answered, and that is not enough. Again, I'm forced to accept that I'm really too powerless, perhaps so much that I can't even fend me from myself.

But it wasn't all that bad. after all, I DID found some answers. Sometimes, preaching is what it takes to make us move on. Theres a huge difference between knowing it and being told about it. The latter is what sets the motion going. What I heard during the camp is something from the bottom of my heart, just that one way or another I had eluded acceptance. I understand that my constant intra-conflict will be my downfall, but at the same time it keeps me sane, contradictive, yea (As to how and why is that, I will not touch here) Pastor Mike was great, I like the way he interprets and I see logical reasoning in it. Truth be said, of the many pastor I've met, some were quite disappointing. ShuE and Renjie, thanks for asking me to ask for prayers and answers from Pastor Mike, but what he gave me was nothing out of the ordinary (I mean his answer to my waiting, not his prayers, the latter which I honestly appreciate), guess all I can do is wait. You can feel another's sincerity when they really mean it. And glad to say, Pastor Mike's had reached me, bless him.

Sad to say, I did receive some bad news when I came back from the camp yesterday. Mum's not feeling well, and a dear friend of mine just met with an emotional trial that seems to set her off the wrong direction. For those who is reading now, please pray that those who are lost can be found again. I honestly don't want my friends going down the wrong path and not doing a single thing about it. But then again, its during these times that I realise that I am really a helpless piece of junk that can do nothing but offer words, which aren't of any use. Its not anything new, but facing it is hard.

"So pray", I guess thats what most people would say. And I guess some would even say "just leave it". The latter is something I will NOT do. Theres already too few caring going around, thus I don't want to withdraw mine. If anyone is going to take something from this entry, make it this one: Don't say "I don't care." Realise what that really means and the change that it can bring. At least do your own part before you complain.