Captivated in a trance by the ticking of the alarm clock on my sparkling clean desk, my heavy book lies dormant in its pages within my hands. Thoughts reeling through the mind adds up to the depressive mood. A lethargic body does not help neither. Exhausted of the strength to even feel any extreme emotions, I lie on my bed allowing others to take over my life. Anyone, anything, please, just knock me out and rob me of sovereignty over myself.
How life can be so depressive? To be honest, it wasn't like this before. But as unexpected turns kept appearing one after another, everything started to go out of control. Aware of the many things that are not within my restraint, I always maintain composed and collected, opting to persevere through hardships with the best solution presented by my intellect. But as I grow older, the responsibilities got heavier, emotions became denser, the heart more fragile, succumbing to the weight of the world. I'm already falling behind, too tired to catch up.
Today, felt like the end of genesis and beginning of revelation. A resolve previously shattered by the single mention of a name, now proves itself to be a fatal wound. As it bleeds profusely throughout the day, the hands of Agony now clamped tightly around me. Desperate to stand again, I allowed myself to drift off reality for two hours, while giving in to the prospect of a better ending of the day. But alas, fate intervenes. What met me was the deafening voice of the women who gave life to me, piercing both ears and heart. Heaving myself away from the chaos, hoping to seek solace among others, I only found an hour of solitary anticipation. Returning to the grounds of shelter, met again by a more deafening noise: silence. The book no longer offers peace to the soul now writhing in pain, desperate for everything to end.
Now only one question remains dominant in the head; When a higher power is obviously putting you through torment, what will you do? My faith in hope is waning, I'm not sure how much more of days like this I can take...it is an issue of great despair, when you fear "tomorrow".
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