Food for thought; Goth, Literacy, and Me...

There's a habit of me looking at the clock every single time before I start my blog. Why? A sense if trepidation always sweeps over whenever I do a reality check-up. Knowing that while I dwell on haunting from the past the future keeps coming ever closer. Geological senses are an amazing feat where we humans are privileged to. Of distances, time, emotions, vanities and virtues, we feel them inside of ourselves more than we realize or accept.

~ Blaring in my room now ~

Le Nouveau Gothique. A bittersweet phrase of me addressing me and my perception of my own life. A mild taste of slothfulness emerges at the thought that my latest semester is about to begin. In my life, I had always fought head-on towards calamities and adversities in a multitude of varieties. Many times had I fell, standing up again on bruises yet proud that it didn't stop me from doing so, that in itself fills me with a sense of victory to the brim. The feeling is quite motivating, albeit I know not why it had to be done in the beginning. Are we humans born with a purpose that we seek unknowingly? Perhaps, cause I know not. Of the things I do, is it leading to or serves an ultimate purpose meant to be achieved in the lifespan granted to me? Such questions always conjures up a spiral of other questions. Another fabulous feat of humans. As we think, we are able to chain up one issue to another where a minute ago seems so distant. The way our mind works is a miracle that rivals the mystere of the universe.

Off and on the subject again, I wanted to achieve accomplishments in everything I see. An innate urge drives me like an addiction, quite similar to a primitive survival instinct. An easy life? Wealth? Knowledge? Pride? Vanity? Honestly, these seems so trivial. I know there is something else I want that transcends my own perception of logic, theres a purpose I'm leading my life the way I am now, where in the ultimate end I strive that I may catch the smallest glimpse if not embrace it.

~ This is good ~

Literacy, a worldly achievement by the minds of the past. It allows us to link events across time and space. Feel the mind of those separated by life and death. Represent a world where sometime in the future only imagination can live in. Of the things I'm writing now, perhaps if it's discovered a millenia later, another individual will think like I do now? Now thats what I call living eternally. No cold hard facts, neither quantifiable nor measurable, its felt. Science stream students may laugh, realists may snigger, but I will still wear this proudly. Victory and self-fulfillment is subjective. I pity those who are consumed by the world they are born in, trying to match up to machines and programmes, forgetting they are flesh and blood. Ponder?

My clock shows that in approximately 11 hours and 45 minutes, I'll enter the 21st annual reverie that I came to this earth. Many makes a huge fuss over their 21st birthday. The way I see it; "I've come twenty-one years towards the end of my life. whatever it is I set out to do, I'm getting closer. Have I done what's necessary...? 21, its a good number to stop and check, where I started, where I am now, where am I going...."

~ Perfect for my blog ~

All these philosophical thoughts that plunges me spiritually...makes me who I am...I've definitely come a long way since the day I can only cry...approximately twenty one years....

A similarity between cats and humans? A cat is said to have nine lives, men carry on with theirs as if they do.... ~ Nine Lives, Teoh Choon Ean